


Are We Really Okay...?

by Pastel_Deku



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Anorexia, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Depression, Eating Disorders, Engagement, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, F/M, Homophobia, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Little Space, Little!Kokichi, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Nightmares, Non-Sexual Age Play, Oma Kokichi Needs a Hug, Past Child Abuse, Sad Oma Kokichi, Self-Harm, This fic is filled with everything possible
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-01
Updated: 2019-08-03
Packaged: 2020-05-31 13:12:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19426687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pastel_Deku/pseuds/Pastel_Deku
Summary: Shuichi Saihara and Kokichi Ouma have had their ups and downs throughout their lives. When past and new problems begin to surface on the couple, will they be able to prevail together, or will everything fall apart?





	1. Chapter 1

Shuichi Saihara sighs tiredly as he slowly unlocks the door to his apartment. It had been a long day at work, and he was mentally preparing to either be tackled by his boyfriend, or to just simply enter quietly. To somewhat of his surprise though, the entire apartment was completely silent.

He frowns a little as he steps in further, glancing around for the smaller male. "Kokichi?"

His worry grew a bit as he received no answer, closing and locking the door behind him before he headed towards the bedroom.

The off-grey eyed male quietly opens the door and pokes his head in, letting out a small sigh of relief when he sees purple-black hair peeking out from under the covers.

The recent months definitely hadn't been easy for the couple after Shuichi had discovered several issues that Kokichi had been hiding from him, but they were both trying their hardest to keep pushing forward for the better.

He carefully made his way into the room before stripping down to his boxers and tossing them in the laundry basket. He would normally grab a shirt to sleep in, but due to it being summer and the fact that he was completely exhausted, Shuichi decided against it and went to finish getting ready for bed before joining the smaller of the two.

As he brushed his teeth, Shuichi couldn't help but feel a bit guilty to the fact that he hadn't had a lot of time recently to spend with his boyfriend. Work had recently been hectic for the both of them, and some days if felt as if they were strangers living in the same house.

He turns on the water and spits out the toothpaste in the sink with a sigh. The off-grey eyed male was missing out on seeing the many sides to Kokichi, and the thought only made him feel worse as he turns out the light and makes his way to the bed.

Ouma stirs a bit as he climbs in, but overall doesn't wake up as he subconsciously snuggles closer to the taller of the two once Saihara settles down.

Shuichi takes a deep breath through his nose, relaxing into the bed as he gingerly presses a kiss to purple-black hair while wrapping an arm around the smaller.

"I'll make it up to you...I promise..." He mutters sleepily, a yawn escaping his lips as his eyes struggled to stay open. Though he knew the other couldn't hear him, his words still held the weight they would as if Kokichi was awake.

As sleep sluggishly consumed his body, Shuichi mentally thought up different ideas on where to take his lover for a date. They both had some vacation time coming up soon, and were planning to spend practically every possible second together no matter what.

' _I just hope...that it'll all go well..._ ' He thought to himself as he drifted off, his mind filled with many different scenarios as sleep finally took complete control over him.


	2. Chapter 2

The morning light shown through the bedroom window, causing the taller of the two to stir a bit at the interruption to his sleep. Shuichi cracked an eye open with a sigh as he wished that morning hadn't come so soon.

He sluggishly tries to climb out of bed, but fails after realizing he and Kokichi were a mess of tangled limbs.

"Kokichi..." The taller mumbles, his voice still heavy with sleep as he brushes the smaller's hair away from his forehead in order to press a kiss to it, "time to wake up..."

The only response Shuichi receives though was a groan as Kokichi buries his face in his chest before stilling again. The off-gray eyed male sighs and shifts himself in order to be able to pick Ouma up and carry him, knowing that he was in no way a morning person.

It seemed as if there was a constant two ways that they would wake up - depending on their work schedule. Normally though, Shuichi would be the one to wake up early and leave Kokichi to sleep for a few more hours, or it would be like it is now - with the taller carrying the smaller into the kitchen and setting him down on the couch to let him wake up.

Kokichi whined in complaint at the movement, but otherwise doesn't make any other sounds as he clings onto his boyfriend tightly.

"We really need to figure out a way to get you up sooner..." Shuichi mumbles quietly as he sets his boyfriend down on the couch, though he smiles a little when the purple-black haired male immediately curls up with a sigh. He grabs the blanket from the top of the couch and drapes it over Kokichi before heading into the kitchen to start on coffee and breakfast.

He quickly got the coffee pot going before moving to get the ingredients out for pancakes while trying to still be somewhat quiet. Though it had taken Shuichi a little while to learn how to cook properly, his incentive to learn was quickly heightened after living off only sweets that Kokichi had made for a while.

After a short amount of time, the pancakes were cooking and almost done when Kokichi finally staggered into the kitchen tiredly while dragging the blanket behind him.

Shuichi jumps a little when he sees him walk past and go to the fridge, but smiles softly nonetheless. "Pancakes are almost done. Are you hungry?"

Kokichi looks back at him and blinks before shaking his head slowly, clearly still half asleep. "Not really..." He turns back to the fridge and opens it, reaching up for a Panta.

The taller sighs as he watches, frowning a little when he sees Kokichi's sleeve ride down and reveal the onslaught of still-healing cuts mixed in with scars coating his inner arm. He looks back to the pancakes and tries not to think about it too much, though he was pretty sure that they would both be haunted by the events from a few weeks ago. "You've got to eat at least a little bit of something."

The purple-black haired male groans as he closes the fridge, setting his Panta down on the counter before hooping up onto it. "It's to early to eat! I'll just grab something later."

Shuichi represses an eye roll as he plates the food. "Fine. But I did add chocolate chips to yours..."

Kokichi froze for a moment before looking over to him and glancing to the pancakes. "How...much?"

"Quite a decent amount." He answers simply with a shrug as he brings the food to the table while silently hoping that the bribery would work. He looks back to his boyfriend - who seemed to be taking his words into consideration - as he grabs his coffee.

"I...guess a little won't hurt..." Kokichi finally mumbles more to himself carefully as he hops off the counter and sits down at the table, swiftly stabbing a pancake onto his fork.

Shuichi watches him for a moment before trying to strike up a conversation. "So, since we're both off tomorrow, I was wondering if you wanted to go out."

The smaller male looks up with a small smile that seemed to still be growing as he stops picking at his pancake. "Like a date?"

Saihara nods, a light pink blush spreading over his cheeks. "Y-Yeah, a date."

Kokichi giggles and leans forward on his elbows. "Aw, is my beloved Shuichi still getting flustered? I thought you'd be over this by now..~" He teases cheekily, though still feels his heart swell at the thought.

"I'm not flustered..." He mutters as he takes a bite of his own pancakes, "just- do you want to go to the zoo, or not?"

The smaller's eyes seemed to sparkle with excitement, letting out a small gasp. "Really?"

Shuichi nods, giving a small smile of his own. "Really. It's been a while since we've gone, and I know you love it."

Ouma lets out an excited cheer before taking a sip of his Panta while Shuichi chuckles and points his fork at the smaller's plate. "Eat."

His excitement seemed to die down a bit as he sets the Panta back down and reluctantly takes a small bite of pancake, chewing for almost an entire minute before swallowing.

The silence settles in between the two once again as Shuichi glances to the clock on the wall, sighing when he realized that he would have to leave soon. "I'm guessing that you're going to watch cartoons while I get ready to leave. Can you do the dishes as well?"

The lavender eyed male groans playfully, but still nods with a grin. "I suppose I can."

Saihara gave him an appreciative smile before standing up and walking over, leaning down to press a gentle kiss to his lips which Kokichi responded to with a happy hum.

"Be good..." He mumbles once he pulls away, giving his boyfriend a serious look as the _'be safe'_ was left unspoken.

"Yeah, yeah, I'll be fine..." The smaller brushes off his words with a wave of his hand.

Shuichi shakes his head and ruffles Ouma's hair for a moment before heading back to their room to shower.

Once the other male was out of the room though, Kokichi let his smile fall as he sighs and looks to his food, pushing the plate away without another word.

' _I'll try to be good...I will..._ '


	3. Chapter 3

Kokichi sat on the couch as mindless cartoons played on the T.V. while waiting patiently until Shuichi finished up and left for work before starting on the dishes. Once he heard the door to the apartment close though, he stood up and sluggishly made his way to the dishes.

Rolling his sleeves up, he cringes a bit at the sight of his arms while trying not to think too much on it. He quickly got to work on the dishes, humming softly as his mind drifted to the recent events that were seeming to constantly plague his thoughts.

***

_It was just a normal boring day, one which Shuichi was expecting to simply come home and snuggle with his boyfriend on the couch to a movie._

_Leaving his shoes at the door, he glances around for Ouma, taking a bit to realize that the other was in the bathroom._

_"Kichi?" He asks, rapping on the door softly, "do you want to watch a movie when you're done?"_

_He hears fumbling, along with something clattering to the floor._

_"Kokichi?"_

_"Y-Yeah...! I'll-um...be out in a-a few...!" Came the rushed answer, Kokichi cursing himself silently for the stutter and shake in his voice._

_Saihara frowns, about to head towards the couch but pauses and turns back to the door. "Is everything alright?"_

_"I'm fin-shit!"_

_He frowns, reaching out to grab the doorknob somewhat nervously. He hesitates for a moment, but decides to go along with his gut feel and open the door. He was momentarily thankful that it was unlocked, but the second of relief quickly melted away when he walked in on a sight he never imagined to see._

_Blood._

_And a lot of it._

_With Kokichi in the center._

_Both seemed frozen on the spot, Kokichi clutching his arm tightly against his chest as his eyes were as big as saucers with fear; the only sound in the room being the occasional drop of blood hitting the tile._

_"K-Ko..." his voice trails off in horror, unable to process the sight in front of him._

_"I-" The smaller was tempted to try and lie his way out, but he seemed to quickly realize that it wouldn't be an option. Tears welled up in his eyes before running down his cheeks, a loud sob escaping his mouth as he crumbled to the floor. "ImsorryI'msorryI'msorry..."_

_Shuichi finally snaps out of his trance and rushes over, quickly pulling his boyfriend to his chest as he tries to swallow the lump in his throat, quietly shushing him. "Wh-What did you do...?"_

***

Kokichi snaps out of his thoughts as he finishes washing up, his hands shaking a bit as he struggles to take a deep breath. "I wonder if he'll ever trust me again..." He smiles coldly to himself as he moves back to the couch, collapsing down on it with a _thud_.

"He's starting to notice my other habits as well..." The purple-black haired male laughs quietly to himself as he stares up at the ceiling, feeling his lavender eyes beginning to sting with tears that had yet to fall.

"I don't know how much longer I can keep this up..."


	4. Chapter 4

"I know he's keeping things from me. I mean- this is Kokichi we're talking about...but still..." A very tired Shuichi says softly to Kaede over their lunch break while he stares down at his food.

She sighs a little and offers him a reassuring smile along with a nod. "I understand that it's hard, but you've both gotten through difficult situations before! And I'm sure you can do it again."

"Nothing ever like this though..." He frowns while picking at his food, clearly worried.

Her smile drops a little as she looks down to her iced tea. "Yeah..."

Saihara rests his head on his hands, closing his eyes for a moment. "I just miss the old Kokichi. The one who was always smiling, always happy and not afraid to talk to me..." He straightens himself up before turning back to Kaede, "sorry...I know I'm talking too much..."

Kaede shakes her head as she leans closer to him, her smile returning though her plum colored eyes were somewhat sad. "Don't apologize. It's good that you're talking to someone about this instead of keeping it stuffed inside..."

The male nods, though doesn't seem to be feeling any better. "If only he would do the same..."

The ash-blonde girl bites her lip as the silence settles between them.

"What if-...What if I asked Kaito to talk with him? Do you think Kokichi would be open to that?"

"Knowing their friendship, it's always a hit or miss..." Shuichi mumbles as he takes a bite of the sad excuse of a salad he had, "but it could be worth a try..."

"I'll text him then." She nods, taking a sip of her tea, "anyways, are you doing anything fun this weekend?"

Shuichi knew she was trying to change the subject, but overall didn't really mind. "I'm taking Kichi to the zoo, and then maybe out to eat afterwards."

"Aw! It's been forever since you two have been out together! I hope that you have a great time!" Her tone was full of sincerity as she rests back in her seat.

"I do too. What about you? Are you doing anything fun?"

She simply shrugs, stirring her tea with the straw absentmindedly. "I might go out shopping with Rantaro and a few others, but that's not final..."

He nods with a small hum as he takes another bite of his salad. "Tell them I say 'hi' if it works out."

"Will do." She smiles happily before glancing to the clock, "listen, I've gotta get back to work, but make sure to tell Kokichi to have a good time this weekend." Kaede grabs her tea and heads for the door before turning back to Shuichi, "and maybe buy him something cute from the zoo gift shop."

The taller of the two finally cracks a small smile at that along with a chuckle. "Knowing Kokichi, he'd probably find a way to convince me to buy him something even if I wasn't willing to."

The ash-blonde girl giggles a little before heading out of the room and leaving Saihara in complete silence once again.

A minute or so after Kaede was gone, the male pulls out his phone to shoot his boyfriend a text.

:Hope you're having a good day. There's some leftover takeout food from the other night in the fridge if you're hungry. I'll be home soon <3:

***

_:Hope you're having a good day. There's some leftover takeout food from the other night in the fridge if you're hungry. I'll be home soon <3:_

Kokichi read the text over a few times as he laid on the couch, snorting in a bit of amusement. ' _When has he ever sent a heart? Oh well, it's cute..._ ' He tries to ignore the part about the leftovers, his stomach twisting in a knot at the aspect of food.

The purple-black haired male grunts quietly as he pushes himself up into a sitting position. He yawns and stretches his arms over his head before begrudgingly getting up and off of the couch. ' _There's not a whole lot to do...'_

Kokichi pauses for a moment when his lavender eyes land on a basket somewhat tucked away into one of the corners of the living room. He hesitates for a moment before walking over and pulling it out with a sigh.

Inside there were a few packets of colored pencils and markers, along with two sketchbooks and a few random coloring books. With a shaky breath, the small male reaches in and pulls out one of the sketchbooks, flipping through it carefully.

There were a few well drawn pieces, but most of the drawings were filled with almost every color imaginable and made little-to-no sense - well, to everyone except Kokichi.

He looks up as he worries his bottom lip, glancing around the room in an almost paranoid way as if someone would be watching him.

A soft whimper escapes his lips as he moves around a bit so he could lean against the wall while still having a tight grasp on the book.

_'I-I can't allow myself to...I can't..._ ' Kokichi bites down on his lip hard enough to draw blood and lets out a wince before swiftly throwing the sketchbook across the room as if it had burned him. ' _Besides, it's not like I-I need to...regression is stupid..._ '

He sucks on his wounded lip as his eyes drift back to the box in his very evident internal battle with himself. Ever since the recent events, Ouma had been forcefully keeping himself from slipping into his little headspace - whether it was out of fear, or just not wanting to be seen in the vulnerable position. Normally the zoo would be the perfect place for him to slip into little space, but now, he was dreading it.

Ouma knew that he wouldn't be able to keep the act up forever, be he would definitely prolong it for as long as he could. Shuichi would only become more concerned, but as selfish as it was, the smaller male tried not to pay that factor much thought.

Somewhere in the back of his mind though, Kokichi was desperate for his boyfriend's help. He wanted Saihara to force the emotions and truth out of him no matter the cost...if only that was possible.

But due to the lavender eyed male's personality and just who he was, he would lie.

Lie about his feelings.

Lie that he was okay.

Lie to everyone.

Lie to... _Shuichi_.

Kokichi knew that it would end horribly in the long run, an that it could possibly destroy their relationship, but...

' _If I'm honest...he'll think that I'm a freak. Disgusting...worthless..._ ' The small male digs his nails into his still-healing arm, leaving crescent shaped dents in the porcelain skin.

' _Lying is my only option._ '

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Your friendly neighborhood fanfiction writer here just to say that if you are dealing with any of these issues, please don't lie or hide it and do go tell someone! If may not seem like a good idea, but believe me when I say that it will help you in the long run! 
> 
> Also, I promise that the next chapter won't be as depressing!


	5. Chapter 5

"Shumai, do you think they'll ever put chickens in a zoo?"

"Wh-Why on earth would they do that...?!"

"I dunno. Chickens seem to be exotic."

Shuichi stares at his boyfriend with a look of pure bewilderment as they walked towards the reptile exhibit hand-in-hand. "Your questions never cease to amaze me..."

"Nishishi~ Of course not!" Kokichi grins up at him as he swings their hands.

The tension from earlier that morning between the two seemed to be dissipating, which was always a good sign. They both had been eager to get to the zoo quickly, but unfortunately for Kokichi, Shuichi wouldn't let him leave the house without eating something.

The two ended up in a fairly heated argument, but Kokichi eventually gave in and ate a few handfuls of crackers.

Shuichi sighs at the recent memory, giving the smaller male's hand a squeeze. While he did feel somewhat guilty for making his boyfriend that upset, he had to remind himself that he was sticking by his word because of how much he loved Kokichi.

Ouma on the other hand, seemed to have completely forgotten about the whole ordeal as his eyes were filled with a childlike wonder. He quickened his step, clearly excited at the aspect of seeing snakes and lizards. "What should we see after this?"

Shuichi hums in thought for a moment along with a halfhearted shrug. "Penguins?"

The purple haired male took a moment to think it over before nodding happily. "Okie dokie!"

The taller nods before going quiet, getting lost inside his thoughts. ' _Kaede was right...I'll text Maki and Kaito later tonight about meeting up soon..._ '

Kokichi appeared to be lost in his own thoughts, his trademark smile gone while being replaced with a look of almost sadness as he stared out into the distance.

Shuichi snaps out of his thoughts and playfully nudges Kokichi with his hip. "Hey. After the penguins, we can go get ice cream...and then maybe something from the gift shop when we leave.."

The purple-haired male's smile returns quickly, though he quickly ignores the comment about ice cream with a bit of hesitation. "Can we go to the gift shop now?"

"Only on the way out.." His boyfriend sighs, but still tries to keep his own spirits up with a small smile.

Kokichi pouts childishly and pulls his hand away from Shuichi's in order to cross his arms over his chest. "You're a meanie."

"Maybe so, but having patience is more important than me being mean." He responds simply with a bit of a smug look.

The smaller of the two groans impatiently and sticks his tongue out as they made their way to the penguins. "Shu-Shu, if we find a _reeaallyy_ cute penguin, can I smuggle him home with us?"

Shuichi just about glares at him, but refrains and rolls his eyes instead. "We can't smuggle penguins, you know that. And if you did, we would either be arrested, or banned from the zoo for the rest of our lives..."

Kokichi giggles and once again grasps onto his arm, nearly leaning on him with all of his body weight. "Well then I guess I'll be arrested..~"

"Don't you dare..." Shuichi mumbles under his breath.

He simply shrugs in response, "I mean, it wouldn't be my first time being arrested..~"

The taller of the two's eyes widen, staring at his boyfriend with a look of utter disbelief.

"Nishishi~ that was a lie! I'm too good at what I do to be caught..~"

Shuichi playfully glares at him, "you're the real meanie here, not me.."

"I know~!"

The playfulness of the taller male's look softened, taking note of how Kokichi's grin appeared to strain as his eyes flickered with an unknown emotion.

Kokichi quickly turns away, all of a sudden taking much interest into his shoes.

"You know what, how about we go to the gift shop first..."

The purple-eyed male snaps his head back up, looking to Shuichi as if he had grown an extra head. "Y-You're serious..?!"

His boyfriend offers him a smile, pulling him closer. "Yeah." ' _I want to do everything I can to make sure that you're happy..._ '

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! A happy fluffy chapter at last!!

**Author's Note:**

> First chapter done! Hope you enjoyed, and I promise that the next chapter will be longer!


End file.
